Sushi, corn tea, ikkle cheeky spliff and Conor Oberst’s latest album in a park in Soho Square…enjoying the last of the London summer sun. Got all of my stationery for uni, and some paper for my project…I’m enjoying my own company today. It’s been overdue. I’ve enjoyed lots of company the past month. It’s been a long, long, long overdue. Gonna try my real hardest to really make the most of my last month here. Gonna see as my friends as possible, old and new. Gonna write as much as I can, draw as much as I can. Gonna tidy my life up, sort it up, file some of it away, box a lot of it up, find some new things to take along with me on my latest big adventure. And I’m going to find somewhere to live. And I’m going to start my fucking project.
Fuck everything to hell. Been back in this God forsaken cess-pit not even 24 fucking hours and I’ve had a night full of horrible dreams, I’m already stressed to shit and feel on the verge of tears for the first time in months. Not even 24 fucking hours. Fuck this place. Fuck it. Fuck everyone, fuck this horrific fucking society and what it’s doing to our precious heads. Overwhelmed with shit to do and I don’t feel up to any of it, and everything’s kicking me in the face except it isn’t, it’s just my stupid haywire crackpot brain that jumps into defense and fury at the tip of a hat, stupid fucking pile of shit, cursed to fucking hell, why, why, I swear to god, unless life fucks you hard into submission do not, ever, allow yourself to feel any sort of despair or stress, build iron fucking walls around yourself to keep from it and do not give into it - your brain learns by repetition. Do not allow yourself to repeat those responses until they become so ingrained into you that they become automated, fucking bullshit chemical responses getting in the way of my being a human being, and you end up a fucking prophetic wasted wreck of a person like me. Fuck it all.